What would make ME, myself and I Happy!? (Goals &Dreams)

...Probably the 5th day in a row that I sit down and try to write... just so caught up in this feeling of not getting anywhere, like I'm a really frickin' failure....I'm stuck and SHOULD, yes SHOULD be doing so many things....

I want to make it in the Fitness Industry, despite my Law-degree...
"why don't you apply for this, or that, or think about the, or this and that and. Blablablablablabla."

WELL 

...screw it. I'm gonna have to make ME, MYSELF and I happy, so for now;

Train insane or Remain the same. 

until further notice I'll be in the GYM, busting my ass off- 

Don't know me!?

(recap -fought ridiculously hard, to get a 2.1 Bachelor of Laws, (University of Leicester), then travelled to Turkey, fighting to get a job, getting an internship & a scholarship, fighting to get a visa- got rejected...repaying my scholarship, restarting, applying for new things, got the door slam shut in my face.)

You've gotta move forward, so stop crying and start doing. Aight. 

My own Goals;

1) 100kg Squat- this, Yes THAT is what would make ME, Myself and I ridiculously happy! 
2) Learn Bench press- tried it once... did the person teaching me enjoy it.. I get really frickin angry if I'm BAD.... I was genuinely USELESS...)
3) Press to handstand- it's come to the point where I need to bite my tongue to stop myself from shouting *&%&)££"^...... If anythings brings out the beast it's failing to do this... for 6months....
4) 30 Chin-ups (a bit optimistic!? Hellll, yeah, I wasn't born to be average!?

 If your dreams doesn't scare you, they're not BIG enough. 

5) 45 Dips (he, let's just keep on being optimistic shall we!?)
6) 110kg Dead lift. Yepp, another "biting my tongue moment..." happy that the gym was fairly empty last Saturday; made 85kg, put on another 5kg (90kg)
" Uuuuuaaargh, Uuuaaargh, uaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh"
... jumped up, kicked the BARBELL....
I just couldnt move the frickin BARBELL from the frickin FLOOR. GROOOOAAAAAH! ijfiwoehf72645)

Um, so, now I just wonder what the reward will be for all of this!? I should probably think about that in the gym actually ;) or else I'll spend several hours finding A.M.A.Z.I.N.G workout gear that I really really (don't!?) NEEEED!

so, that's something, sorry if I can't be the funny, optimistic Sophia. I'll find my way back to Me, myself and I, in no time ;)

xoxo

Hispfia